I seriously can’t think of anything worse than watching my weight creep back up, and having no reason why, and no way to stop it. This is literally so painful. I was just becoming happy with myself, but now I’m back in the 130’s. I was almost to my goal. WHY WHY WHY?

I woke up  this morning saying to myself *wow, maybe I’m not depressed anymore* but now, ten minutes later, I am having strong urges to cut, fantasies about killing myself, and an overall panicky feeling inside. I’m freaking out about my weight, and I don’t know what to do with myself. I feel like a caged animal right now.

You know what?

I’m going to work out EVERY day this month. Starting now. Starting monday I will work out for at least 20 minutes every day. Its only 20 fucking minutes. I’m going to sweat, I’m going to hate it, but prom is coming and I am too fat for my dress. I’m SICK of hating my body. If I can lose 10 lbs I will be SO thrilled. I’m going to workout. I’m going to do what it takes. Losing weight is not a mystery. There is not a secret formula. You have to eat right and excersize a ton. YOU HAVE TO WORK HARD. And I’m ready. If I’m feeling good, I’ll reward my body with movement. If I feel like shit (like I do right now) I will punish myself with working out. Its march. MARCH MELTDOWN. Come on girls, we can do this! WHOSE WITH ME?

FINALLY HAD A GOOD DAY OF EATING!!!!! so proud of myself right now. Seriously I’m so happy. 

diet coke-0

cig-0

tea-0

net: 0!!!

I need your help, my friends. Give me all the information you have on diet pills! What works best, how much are they, where can I get them, etc. Most importantly WHICH ONES WORK? Your help means the world to me. My will isn’t strong enough, and I really need something to help me. I’m going to be on camera, and I cannot look like a whale. 

Help me asap?

Hey weightloss buddy people/anyone who cares…

This week I’m mixing the 2468 diet with the one week diet (a diet consisting mostly of fruits and veggies). Anyone interested in joining me?

Stay strong, and stay beautiful! <3

Losing this weight is so important. it is SO fucking important. It is my only chance in a little bit of happiness. It is all that I can have control of. It is what I need.

Please don’t try to stop me because I’m so fragile, and I need this more than anything.

I have done so well today. I’ve had around 160 cal, and worked out pretty vigorously for around 30-40 min (its about time!) but tonight I’m getting high, and I’m SO nervous that I’ll get the munchies really bad, and fuck everything up. any tips to avoid said munchies?

I stopped counting calories obsessively and omg it feels so good. I keep an estimate in my head, and I try to stay aware, but its such a relief to not have to tally up all the time. also I lost again and I’m so happy.

Being on here is SO triggering

for some reason, this week was a really good week emotionally and physically. It was insanely difficult because of stress, but I worked out *hard* every day, and I ate fairly well. In general, I felt better about my body than I have in a long time, even though I’m no where remotely close to my goal. I  Lost about 3lbs I think. I didn’t sign onto tumblr very much because I was so busy. But being on here right now is so triggering for me to lose weight faster, eat less, excersize more. I don’t even know if its good or bad. As long as I’m motivated to lose weight effectively, I don’t care I guess.

Day 3 of my fast…

day 3 is going very well. I felt very dizzy and unfocused all day, but that could be just because I didn’t sleep very much last night. I feel fairly normal, and not that hungry at all. I was expecting to have to work a lot harder to resist food, but I sat in the cafeteria today and was able to resist. I feel really good about myself and optimistic (though wary) about everything. 

I won’t be happy until I’m beautiful

I won’t be happy until I’m thin

I’m slowly getting back on track. Being fat is NOT an option any more. I lost 2lbs already, and I’m not going to stop until I am confident and happy with my appearance. 

This week I’m not focusing on my UGW I’m focusing on *this* weeks GW. I’m hoping that by looking at the realistically attainable, I can actually get there, and feel good about it! 

Baby steps, baby steps, baby steps…

Who wants to do the every other day diet with me? Reblog, message me, or like this and we can help each other out?

(Source: lightandlithe)