I feel like so much shit. Pure, undiluted disgusting shit. Fuck this. No one cares, and thats fine. I just…FUCK.

Failed you all. Binged tonight. Literally consumed more than I have all week. So disgusted with myself. I’m going to *try* to do another 3 day fast again. Send me good thoughts and stuff. :\ 

I lied and I’m sorry. I stayed up despite the sleeping pills which are now worn off. I binged and now I’m huge and disgusting and sick. I’m not going to purge as punishment to myself and because I’m too lazy. I deserve to be fat. I’m done. I give up. I’m a failure, I always will be. I hope I die. I really hope I die. 

No, its fine. Binge. Yeah, thats right. Eat whatever you want. But don’t you dare let those tears fall because the number went up on the scale. This is you’re fault.

(Source: lightandlithe)

BINGE PURGE BINGE PURGE BINGE PURGE

…haven’t been this disgusted with myself in a while.

Nothing left to do but cut, I guess. 

or die. That would be good too.

HAHA CAN’T FIND MY KNIFE OR CIGS OR WEED. ISN’T THAT GREAT?

I need love but I will reject it at all costs. I feel like a worthless piece of shit because that is what I am. It is not selfish to commit suicide, its selfish for people to keep me here. So FUCK THEM. Fuck them for pinning me against this wall of guilt and shame. Cutting is not bad, drinking is not bad, drugs are not bad. Life is bad. Life will fuck you up no matter what. So why can’t I make it more bearable? Better yet, why can’t I just end it? I promise that everyone would be better off without me. I am a dirty piece of cum covered feces who deserves nothing and no one good. 

Sometimes I think about the huge amounts of food I ate and I literally do not understand how a human being can consume such a grossly large amount. It doesn’t seem physically possible. I guess it would explain why I’m so fat. At least its not a mystery. 

Went out to see a christmas parade tonight. I hate these fucking things because I’m so disconnected, I don’t feel any joy, or happiness, or “spirit.” I’m the brooding teen in the corner, that ruins the festivities for all the happy people. This is who I am. How pathetic.

I’m a fucking fat piece of shit

All of these lovely girls on tumblr get all this negativity for NO reason. Its unfair because I’m here and I’m am a piece of SHIT. Fucking fat, disgusting, revolting….words can’t even describe…

I don’t even know how to handle how absolutely DISGUSTING I am. What do I do? I hate my body. I HATE my body, but I can’t seem to grasp the concept of self control. But at least I can try (even though I always fail) to change it. But worse than that, I hate my personality. Its one thing to hate your body, and know if you work hard, you can alter it. Its very different to literally hate the essence of who you are. To have to live with someone you can’t stand, every fucking moment. 

Sorry for this rant, guys. 

you should all message me telling me what a failure I am, and motivate me to change. 

Ps. I’m practically back to my starting weight. OmGz I aM s0 g0od @ lYf3

(Source: lightandlithe)