FINALLY HAD A GOOD DAY OF EATING!!!!! so proud of myself right now. Seriously I’m so happy. 

diet coke-0

cig-0

tea-0

net: 0!!!

Finally.

Finally had a good day of eating!

Kale:50

Apple:50

These are both technically negative calorie foods but my net is 100, which is pretty good :) 

Peas-90

pretzel-80

salmon-25

total-195

eliptical-170

calisthenics-200

total-370

net= -175

I’m starting to seriously hate being in any type of social situations. I feel a pressure to eat, and when I’m with my friends they always sort of force food on me, shower me with compliments so that I feel the compulsion to eat/like its ok to eat huuuge quantities to shut them up or something. It sucks so much. I want to be alone all the time so I can eat how I want…

how do I expect to lose weight if I eat as much as I do? I constantly complain about how fat I am, but I sit on my fat ass and stuff my face with food. I need to take this seriously if I want to be taken seriously.

I ate around 1000 calories today, but at least I burned about 400. Not good enough. Not even close, but tomorrow will be better.

anyone want to hold me accountable?

FUCK

My net calories today was an awesome 0 and I had to ruin it at fucking 8 at night. RUIN it with a fucking huge binge. I’m now bloated and disgusting and feel even worse than I did before. This is great. I make such good decisions. Instead of just dealing with the hunger and going to sleep I said “I’ll have half an apple..” well that turned into a pear, banana, yogurt, milk, cereal, chocolate…I am so disgusting. 

Every night I fail. I can do so well during the day, but at night I just need to eat. Even when I’m not hungry. It sucks SO much. Thankfully I usually just eat a lot of fruit..but its still bad. Does anyone else do this? Feel like suck a failure. 

I’m a fucking fat piece of shit

All of these lovely girls on tumblr get all this negativity for NO reason. Its unfair because I’m here and I’m am a piece of SHIT. Fucking fat, disgusting, revolting….words can’t even describe…

I don’t even know how to handle how absolutely DISGUSTING I am. What do I do? I hate my body. I HATE my body, but I can’t seem to grasp the concept of self control. But at least I can try (even though I always fail) to change it. But worse than that, I hate my personality. Its one thing to hate your body, and know if you work hard, you can alter it. Its very different to literally hate the essence of who you are. To have to live with someone you can’t stand, every fucking moment. 

Sorry for this rant, guys. 

you should all message me telling me what a failure I am, and motivate me to change. 

Ps. I’m practically back to my starting weight. OmGz I aM s0 g0od @ lYf3

(Source: lightandlithe)

Intake:

 stir fried veggies=120

cookie=123

yogurt=44

total=290

cake and brownies and all delicious things were served in school today and I was a fat PIG (so much for fasting today…) and I couldn’t purge because I was in school, and now its too late, so I’m going to go work out and hopefully burn something…:(